What does the emotion of sadness tell us? A Counselor’s Perspective.
Teary-eyed female with a white scarf.
My client’s come to me frequently wishing to banish their sadness. Whether they know where it came from or not - they want it gone. As counselors, we are always working to help you feel better, but ultimately, sadness is a normal human emotion - and one that we need to understand to truly feel joy long-term. Let’s dig in to what I often need to teach my counseling clients so they don’t have to be overwhelmed by sadness throughout their day.
Sadness is one of the longer-lasting emotions.
It often shows up with other emotions in my office such as anger and fear. However, sadness tends to last longer and cycle through different phases and intensities. Other words for sadness are sorrow, grief, distraught, and despair. Sadness informs us that something is wrong and we need comfort.
Sadness can be on a spectrum.
Sadness can be a mild disappointment. It can also be extreme despair, grief, and anguish – these being the more intense side of sadness. With the least intense being a disappointment. (Source: Atlas of Emotions).
Sadness happens with the loss of a valued person or object.
This can look like:
- Not getting a job promotion.
- Not getting hired when you thought you had a great job interview.
- Sickness, mental health issues, or death of a loved one.
- Rejection by a friend or lover.
- Endings – marriages, retiring from a career.
- Goodbyes – transitioning to a new work department, moving to another state, or a young adult going to university.
How does sadness show up in the body –
I can often notice the sadness in someone’s posture when they first walk into my office. Some people want to look for watery eyes, which I get, but there are so many other ways to notice sadness.
You can experience any one of these feelings in your body:
- Tightening of the chest
- Hard to swallow
- Watery eyes
- Hunched posture
- Head tilted down and/or looking away
- Heaviness in the arms
- Lip corners pulled downward
Going towards sadness or avoiding sadness -
Some of my clients can feel sadness and even have a cathartic release in the office or outside of the office. They give themselves permission to move the emotion through them.
I have other clients who want nothing to do with sadness. They protect themselves and go to great lengths to avoid sadness, even though they want the overall feeling of sadness to go away. I can definitely understand this.
In my late teens and early 20’s, I knew I was sad and just wanted it to be gone. I would go to therapy wanting to cry and thought I was "broken" for not crying. I learned that what was actually happening was that I avoided sadness. I avoided it for so long that it was hard and difficult to feel. I even avoided attachments and situations that would leave me vulnerable to rejection and sadness.
Once I understood this, I was able to work with the parts that kept me safe. I began sensing sadness in my body and letting myself feel it. It took a long time but now I can cry freely when I need to. I even had a good cry a few weeks ago. I can now feel the sensations of sadness. Even with the less intense sensation of disappointment. And let me tell you it brings smiles to my face!
Whether you move towards sadness or you avoid Let me help you explore your emotional journey.
As one of the counselors in Ogden Utah I specialize in trauma therapy and PTSD Treatment, high-functioning depression, anxiety therapy, and stress relief, and body-brain-based therapies such as Brainspotting therapy and EMDR. I am excited to hear from you and be a resource in the community. If you want to learn more, contact me here.
