Do you find yourself overthinking and not feeling?

I was going to write this week’s blog post on the nervous system and emotions. But I thought another skill and tangible example would be useful. I’ll write the nervous system blog next time. So, let’s dive in.

You find yourself overthinking.

You race to the next thing or thought and begin to create a list of scenarios. You think through worst-case or even best-case scenarios, that run through your mind. You are hoping that if you do this long enough it will:

A. Keep you safe.

B. Help you to not feel the thing you are feeling and

C. Get the result you desire.

Ultimately, you find yourself trying to outthink your feelings.

Many people do this.

I am one of those people. When my brain starts running, I think through all the things I should have said or did or didn’t do. I have a hard time slowing down. I have a hard time feeling my emotions.

Does this sound familiar?

Have you ever stopped long enough to become curious about what your brain is running from or trying to outthink?

For a moment, I want you to notice a time in the last week where your brain was racing. You had racing thoughts, your heart rate increased, you began to have tunnel vision, and your muscles got tense.

Now I want you to notice what happened right before all those things. What emotion did you feel? It is common for many of us and especially those with anxiety, trauma, and PTSD to rely on their thinking skills to try and deal with their emotions.

I am sure you are thinking –

But, yeah Kristi isn’t that the whole point - to try and deal with my emotions.

You are absolutely right.

Yet, the lens I come from has informed me that while your thinking brain is 100% needed and necessary, and that analyzing is helpful it can keep individuals stuck. When we can’t “think and feel” at the same time we are in a state of dysregulation.

This is when we need a different approach.

No matter how hard someone tries if they are avoiding feeling, it can cause a lot of problems. And many people try to never feel anything. They try and live in a state of emotional numbness. Individuals do this by utilizing behaviors that help them stay disconnected from their bodies. This can include everything from addictions to gaming to phone use.

For these individuals feeling their emotions can be overwhelming and scary. Because let’s be honest, sometimes it hurts to feel. And once again none of us were taught how to feel and process our emotions.

So, where to start?

First – Make time each day.  

It’s okay if you can only do it for two or so minutes at a time. The important part is that you are building tolerance and teaching yourself that whatever you feel is okay and acceptable. It’s definitely better to feel your feelings throughout the day rather than let them hit you all at once on a weekly, monthly, or yearly basis(!)

Second – Notice when your anxious brain is taking over and do these steps!

1.     Begin by noticing a thought. Thoughts cause a lot of suffering, so perhaps it would look like this: I notice I have the thought the world feels unstable.

2.     Second, you want to notice how that thought makes you feel: When I notice this thought, I feel scared.

3.     Third, notice where you feel scared in your body. “When I feel scared I feel this in my chest. It feels tight and heavy.” (Describe how the sensation feels).

4.     Fourth - allow yourself to breathe into your chest. Not placing any judgment.

5.     Fifth - Be curious if you feel scared anywhere else. This can look like doing a head-to-toe scan.

6.     Sixth, if needed, you can bring in your five senses for more grounding. What do you see? What can you smell? What body part can you move or touch? Do you notice the taste of foods or drinks? Do you hear the sound of voices, the birds chirping, or the sound of a car?

Utilizing your five senses brings you back to the present moment, even if just for a minute. It can be a break from the storm and a friendly welcome relief.

7.     Seven – Repeat as many times as needed. You can go back through and notice different thoughts, emotions, sensations, and senses. It’s okay if you can only do it once. The important part is that you are building tolerance and teaching yourself that whatever you feel is okay and acceptable.

When we give ourselves permission to feel and think, change can happen. It can be the difference between staying stuck or making a step in a direction.

Now it is your turn to give it a try! 

I am Kristi, you can read more about me here. I am a counselor in Ogden Utah. I am happy to help find the right therapist for you and your healing journey. I specialize in trauma therapy and PTSD treatment, high-functioning depression, and anxiety therapy. I am also trained in EMDR therapy and certified in Brainspotting therapy.